


For Fear of Thanatos

by TheHatterOfMad



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guilt, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21739954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHatterOfMad/pseuds/TheHatterOfMad
Summary: On her deathbed, Lysithea is offered a chance - an experimental solution unlikely to do more than delay the inevitable. Potentially catastrophic consequences were forseen, but the nature of the effects simply could not have been predicted. Now stranded in a time long since past, and a body not entirely her own, she must cope with the consequences of her descision.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

“Hello, Professor. It is good to see you again.” A cough wracks my body, and I’m unable to make even a token effort to cover my mouth owing to my atrophied limbs. Not that my sickness is contagious - the malady that possesses me is far more insidious than a mere pandemic. Unable to contain the power of my dual Crests, and unable to find a solution, I’ve been left to waste - my body succumbing to the power forced upon me.

A dribble of blood escapes my mouth, trailing down my chin. Ah - a piece of my lungs, shaken free by my cough. Marianne wipes the stain away with her handkerchief, still holding my hand, sitting beside my bed. I may have wasted, but I haven’t been abandoned - and for that I’m thankful. Marianne offered to house me for the rest of my days in her estate - that of the late Margrave Edmund. My final days have been as comfortable as they could be but, even knowing my time is nigh, I cling to life by the barest of threads.

Have I lived a good life?

I haven’t lived a long life - and right now, that’s the bitter regret foremost in my mind.

I pull myself from my thoughts - retreading these familiar, worn paths will only cause me more stress. Despite the unfairness of it all, it would not do to worry myself into an even earlier grave. Absently, I notice that Byleth is looking at me expectantly. “I’m sorry, Professor. Could you please repeat that?”

“I apologized. For not dedicating the time to find a cure.”

I force a smile. “It’s quite alright, Professor - it would have been unreasonable to expect you to do such a thing for me.” I swallow, taking a moment to compose myself. It may be unreasonable, but I certainly wouldn’t have complained. “I’ve made my peace. Now it’s-” My voice breaks, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. 

Peace? I know no such thing. Marianne’s hand tightens over mine, a gesture that brings me little comfort. I’m not ready to die - I’ve spent the last few years clinging to life with every scrap of my willpower. I don’t want to die, but what I want is irrelevant. If I can leave my friends thinking I died satisfied, rather than as a tortured wretch, then it’s the least I can do for them.

Byleth places a hand on my shoulder, giving me a tender look. “You’re a poor liar, Lysithea.”

Her words pull the rug out from under me. Despite my efforts to pull myself together, more tears fall from my eyes.

“But that’s ok. I haven’t been idle in the years since the end of the war. I’ve been spending my time plumbing the very depths of Faith Magic. I do not think it an exaggeration to say that my understanding of the art is beyond all others.”

I manage a slight nod, regaining a small measure of composure. “You wish to try to heal me?” I don’t have hope of it working - perhaps she will manage to restore my body somewhat, but powerful Bishops have tried without result to aid me in the past. 

“Not as such.” Seemingly unaware of what she’s doing, Byleth adopts the same tone she used back at the monastery when explaining something. “You are, of course, aware of how Faith Magic has its origins with The Goddess. What you may not know is that Sothis has dominion over time itself. I believe that I have conceived of a method to perform Faith Magic with a chronal component.”

Time Magic? That’s… almost insane. But, Byleth had always managed to keep up with my brisk pace when it came to Faith Magic. If she’s been dedicated to the field since the end of the war… Well - she’s undoubtedly long since surpassed me in the field.

Marianne speaks up, brow furrowed. “What do you have in mind?” She’s clearly come to the same conclusion as I - if anyone could figure out how to do it, it’s the Professor.

“It’s a bid for more time - a chance to find a proper cure. I intend to attempt to reverse the effects of time on your body - hopefully bringing you to a state where the symptoms of your ailment are not so dire.”

“Do it.” I barely even need to consider it. Whatever the side-effects may be - whether it be misfire, failure, or misery - it’s a better option than laying here and waiting to die.

“Hold on just a moment. It isn’t quite so simple. This is Magic that has quite literally never been used before - I’ve done what I can to minimize the risks, but there is a significant chance of complications. Best case scenario, you lose all of your memories from after the time when your body is from. Worst case, something terrible and permanent happens.”

“Death is terrible and permanent - do it. I’m running out of moments to hold on to, here.” I’m being inappropriately blithe, but I can’t bring myself to care. Even the tiny sliver of hope that Blyeth has presented to me is enough to send anxious shivers down my spine. I intend to grasp this opportunity with both hands and never let go.

Byleth sighs, clearly exasperated. “I had a feeling you’d be like this. I can’t exactly blame you, though. The technique is at least ready for testing, and I have doubts that you will survive long enough to see it perfected.” Having apparently convinced herself, she stands. “I’ll make this right. And, if it does go wrong… I hope you will be able to forgive me.” She draws her weapon - the Sword of the Creator. Holding it pointed towards the floor, she gestures with her other hand for Marianne to move away.

She does, a worried expression across her face. Byleth closes her eyes, concentrating. After a moment, she flares with a holy light, an aura of radiance flashing around her. Its brilliance sears my eyes, but I force myself to keep looking - to learn everything I can. Her sword glows with a smoldering orange, it’s segments chattering in place. She’s using the sword as a catalyst? 

She brings the sword up, gently touching the flat of the blade to the crown of my head. It burns, the material of the relic like a molten stone.

Pain spears through me, like being smote by a potent Bolting spell. A scream escapes me. The blood in my veins feels as boiling pitch. My skin no more than a twisted sheet of contorted agony - as if it is cotton wound on a spindle. The point on my head where the sword rests a singularity of pain. A heightened sound reverberates through my bones - an all-consuming tearing, as if my very flesh was being torn from my body.

As quickly as it started, it stops, and I know no more.

* * *

“Who are you!? What have you done!?”

The panicked shouts shake me from my stupor. I dart to my feet, looking around.

I come up short of a response - I just stood up. I stood up! It worked! I hadn’t been able to walk under my own power for months - and I just stood as if it were nothing! 

A laugh tears from my mouth, coming up from my stomach. The procedure worked!

I come back down to the ground rather quickly. I don’t recognize this place - nor the person shouting at me. We’re in some sort of dark void, extending outwards in all directions. Below our feet in a plinth made from ancient stonework. The person is short, with a shock of long green hair trailing down her back. Pointed ears poke from her hair, and she’s garbed in a strange ceremonial outfit.

She’s sitting on a large stone throne, just in front of me - and she does not look happy. “Well? What have you to say for yourself, intruder?”

I turn to face her properly. She doesn’t look dangerous, but appearances can be deceiving. “Intruder? I’ll have you know that I did not arrive in this place - wherever we are - of my own will.”

Her mouth hangs open. “You really have no idea what you just did, do you?”

“I confess that I do not. I assume you will inform me anyway?”

“Whatever Magics you performed, you clearly did not think of the effects it would have when you arrived here! You tore this body to pieces, and quenched the soul of its original inhabitant besides! Were it not for my quick thinking, the both of us would be dead!”

“This body? What do you mean? Where are we right now?”

“I do not know of our surroundings, save that it is an image of a safe place - recreated within our minds. But, the forms we wear currently? It is not the form of the body we now inhabit.”

It takes a moment for me to realise the implications of her words. Byleth’s Magic must not have worked after all - something terrible, and perhaps permanent has instead occurred. “Oh. I’ve been removed from my own body, and stolen someone else’s.” My previous triumph thoroughly dashed, I sink to the ground once more. “I didn’t mean to hurt anybody else.” 

The girl harrumphs. “You’re faster on the uptake than you look, at least. Compared to the person I’d been sharing with before, you’re positively bursting with… Well, everything. Magic, personality, charisma, presence - why, it’s almost overwhelming!” her voice has an odd tone to it - regret?

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” 

“I’m-” She cuts herself off. “I’m…” Trailing off, a thoroughly perplexed look crosses her face. “My name is Sothis, I think. You woke me from my rest - and absorbing all that energy you were bleeding off into our body has done wonders in shaking me awake fully. I can ask the same of you - who are you, and what possessed you to do such a thing?”

I let her finish speaking before saying my piece. Is she delusional? Why else would she claim that name? “As in the Goddess?” Or is this as it seems - did the Time Magic performed by Byleth wake The Goddess from wherever she lay?

“Goddess? I do not know. I am myself, and my name is Sothis. That is all I know. You still have not answered my question.”

“I am Lysithea. I was subjected to an experimental branch of Faith Magic in an attempt to delay my death. The intended effects were to retrieve my body from the past, and replace my present one with it. Not… Whatever happened.”

Sothis’ brow furrows, her face a look of intense concentration. “Retrieving a body from the past… With Faith Magic?” She hums. “I think I understand how it went wrong, at least.” Looking up at me, she fixes me with a look of fierce scrutiny. “Tell me. Who cast the spell? Their name, if you would.”

It doesn’t even occur to me to withhold the information - a small part of me is beginning to suspect this person really is The Goddess. How else could she have such pointed ears? And the expertise to salvage a catastrophe such as a failed experimental spell? “Byleth. The wielder of The Sword of the Creator, and the possessor of the Crest of Flames.”

At my words, she blanches. “It’s worse than I thought, in that case. I believe I have deduced what has happened. I don’t know much, but the workings of Time is a topic on which I am an expert. The mistake she made was amateur - though if she had no guidance on the topic, an unavoidable one.”

She claims to be an expert on the workings of Time? Byleth said that Sothis had dominion over time itself - could she truly be the Goddess? I don’t know - until I see some evidence either way, I best keep my suspicions to myself.

“What is your theory?”

“The body that you now inhabit? It is that of a mercenary, Byleth Eisner. I believe that the Byleth of your time awakened my power, but did not know how to properly use it. If you say that it was Byleth that performed the spell, then I suspect that you were sent back in time by her. By some coincidence of misfortune, the process had… deleterious effects on the Byleth of this time and yourself both.”

I killed Byleth? No! How could it be? Sent back in time, too? That’s… too much to bear. Was it worth it? I may yet live - but at such a cost? I don’t know. But if it is as Sothis says, even trying to undo it would be hubris at best - Byleth is dead. A permanent and terrible side-effect - just as she said may happen. Had she known that it could include her, too? 

Would she have done it if she did?

Either ignorant or uncaring of my inner turmoil, she lets out a weary sigh and continues. “We’ve spoken enough. I had originally suspected that you were responsible for this, but it’s clear to me that you are not to blame. What happened was… tragic, but we must continue forward. You will assume the identity of Byleth. I’ve kept the outward consequences of this incident concealed - but the deeper ramifications will not be so easy to hide. Our body will face physical changes to reflect the state of things below the surface.”

She stands from the throne. She’s shorter than I - even with how my growth was stunted. She claps her hands. “I’ve kept you here long enough - you’re needed in the waking world. Make no mistake, however - we will be speaking again. Let me be clear on one final thing: do not let any others know of what has occured for now. For now, secrecy on this matter is paramount - at least until we have gained our bearings.”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

“Hey! It’s time to wake up.”

I jolt up, out of bed at the unfamiliar voice. My hands assume a ready position before I catch myself. It’s Jeralt. Byleth’s father - alive, and in the flesh. And I had nearly put a Miasma Delta through his chest.

I force my hands down. No - Byleth’s hands. Not mine. It seems that Sothis was telling the truth, then.

“You were tossing and turning in your sleep - that dream again?”

I need to pull myself together. Whatever Sothis’ reasons for wanting secrecy, I happen to agree with her conclusion - letting others know could only bring trouble. “No. Just…” I trail off, unsure what to say.

He nods, as if sympathising with me. “I understand. We need to get moving, though. Will you be alright to-”

A mercenary rushes in, the wooden door slamming open in his hurry. “Jeralt! Sir! Sorry to barge in, but your presence is needed.”

Jeralt nods, acknowledging him. “I’ll be right out.” He turns to me. “Get yourself ready - meet me out there.” He leaves, following the mercenary out the door.

I’m left alone. I really am in Byleth’s body. But this means… She probably isn’t a Professor yet. The war hasn’t happened. All of my peers - former peers, now - are still alive. Those Who Slither in the Dark have yet to be brought to justice. Oh my goodness - Byleth had been instrumental in winning the war - now that she’s dead, what does that mean for the future?

No - I can’t afford to be distracted right now. I look about the room, trying to find Byleth’s gear. I deliberately push down the notion that I’m rifling through the belongings of a dead woman - I can process later, now is the time for action. Did she carry much? Apparently, she slept in her combat coat. I spot what I’m looking for by the dresser. A simple sword, belt, and a pair of rugged boots. I set about putting them on, and leave through the door.

Even in the predawn twilight, Jeralt isn’t hard to find - he’s a little ways down the street talking to…

Edelgard, Claude and Dimitri.

The mere sight of Edelgard makes me uneasy. She might not be the one behind it all, but a lot of the blame for the war falls on her shoulders. Dimitri, too - he looks normal now, but after seeing the blood-thirsty madman he becomes…

No - I need to push all of my preconceptions aside and treat them as the strangers should be. I walk up to the four of them. The three house leaders send looks my way. Claude is idly curious - no doubt wondering who I am. Edelgard is completely inscrutable, and Dimitri shows polite notice of me, before turning back to Jeralt. 

Jeralt turns to address me before they say anything. “Good - you’re here. We’ve got a small group of bandits incoming from the north. Everyone else will be securing the village while the five of us meet them outside the entrance.”

I give the three a nod. “My name is-” I only barely stop myself from saying Lysithea by habit, but I manage to catch myself in time “-Byleth. We can talk properly after the bandits have been dealt with - let’s get moving.”

Dimitri nods. “Yes, that would be prudent.”

The five of us depart for the gate to the village at a swift pace, the three giving their own names on the way. Jeralt takes a moment to mount up on his horse, but quickly catches up with us. 

I take a few moments to remind myself of my new identity. I am Byleth Eisner, The Ashen Demon. I am the daughter of Jeralt Eisner, The Bladebreaker. I am a mercenary. I have not met any of the students of Garreg Mach before. There was no war. I know how to use a sword. I do not know Magic. My name is not Lysithea von Ordelia. I do not have two crests, and I am not living with a time-limit.

Or… I hope not, at the least. Am I? Sothis hadn’t said anything about it - maybe she just hadn’t thought it important?

I shake the thoughts from my head. We're leaving the village, and I can hear the shouts of the bandits coming from the forest.

Jeralt shouts out to me from behind us. "Byleth! You lead those three and handle the front - I'll cover your flank!"

Me? Lead the students - future leaders of Fodlan? There's a strange sort of humor in that, I suppose. I refocus, addressing them. "Dimitri, Edelgard. Loose spread, opposite sides of me. Keep your eyes open. Claude, hang back a bit and cover us."

The three of them acknowledge me, assuming their positions. I draw Byleth’s sword, and we move up, keeping a watch for bandits.

With a shout, our targets break from the treeline. A pair, wielding axes and rugged armor. Their vulgar battlecry calling for our deaths confirmation of their banditry. 

I stop myself from raising my sword to the sky to call down a bolt of Thunder Magic as they charge - I’m not using a Levin Sword. Yet another habit to break. I’m no expert when it comes to using a normal sword, but I do know enough to pass muster. 

Whether my modest skill with the weapon will carry over to this body, I do not know. I suppose I’m about to find out.

I meet the bandit, flicking my sword in an admittedly clumsy parry of his far clumsier swing. I stop myself from delivering a Swarm Zeta in riposte, rather, I bring my sword back around and thrust it up through the underside of his chin while his guard is wide open. 

So uncivilized - but necessary. Byleth does not know how to cast Swarm Zeta, so I must act the part.

That was a pathetic showing on the part of the bandit - compared to my opponents in the war, these lowlifes aren’t worth the time it takes to dispose of them. Removing my weapon from the corpse, I turn, looking for the second bandit. Between Dimitri, Edelgard and Claude, he goes down. But it isn’t quick, and it isn’t clean.

The three are still inexperienced - still learning how to fight. The Claude from my time would have sent an arrow through the bandit’s eye before he even managed to make it a handful of steps out of the treeline.

That’s to say nothing of how Dimitri would have handled it.

“Let’s move.”

The trio collect themselves, falling back into formation. The two bandits we just fought are likely an advance - we’ll be coming up on the rest soon, I suspect. Behind us, I can see Jeralt dealing with a third bandit that had managed to sneak past us.

Sure enough, it is scarcely a minute before we spot the next group - three, moving noisily through the forest. I gesture to my charges for silence. This is an opportunity to ambush them - they haven’t noticed us yet.

They pick their way through the forest, unaware of the four of us couched in the underbrush. They’re talking loudly about the loot they intend to take from the villagers - obviously unaware of just how well protected it is. 

We wait as they move closer. I hold out three fingers to the three students. A beat passes, I close a finger. The bandits are close enough that I can make out their faces now. Another beat, and bring my second finger down. I close my final finger, launching out from my hiding spot.

I bring my sword up, the blade biting into the neck of the closest bandit. He drops to the ground, gurgling blood. Claude looses an arrow, striking one in the shoulder. A painful hit - but not enough to disable him. Edelgard and Dimitri follow my lead and bear down the third - a hulking beast of a man who towers above the other two bandits.

I wrench my sword from the bandit’s neck. I hadn’t expected that to go quite so deep. This body is far stronger than my own - I will need to adjust. I dart forward, bringing my weapon to bear on the bandit Claude had struck.

With his injury, I’m able to make short work of him. 

I turn around, locating the last bandit. As I do, I see him ramming his shoulder into Edelgard’s open guard. She tumbles backwards onto the ground, her axe falling out of her grip beside her. Dimitri moves in to cover her, swinging his lance at the bandit. Claude has an arrow nocked and ready to fire, but Dimitri is between him and the bandit.

Almost no teamwork. No coordination. Poor positioning, and poor decisions.

They’re green. Only barely better than a fresh recruit. Dimitri isn’t a battle-crazed monster. Edelgard isn’t an insane warmonger. Claude isn’t a crack shot.

The scene is startling.

The bandit weaves around Dimitri’s swing, foot lashing out to kick the lance far out of position as it passes him by. The head slams into the ground, and the bandit raises his own axe to strike back.

“You’re done for, brat!”

I move on instinct, summoning magic to my hands. With a deftness only earnt through dedication, I cast Miasma Delta in the blink of an eye. The spell tears into the bandit, the fell energies destroying his being from within and without. The cloud of shimmering astral fog produced by the spell pulses with its characteristic geometries, before fading from existence back to whence it came.

What’s left of the bandit keels over, a bubbling hole through his chest.

I may have overdone it, there.

Edelgard clambers to her feet, her face set into an odd expression. “Are you okay, Dimitri?”

He is clearly somewhat shaken, but he regains his composure in moments. “I’m quite alright. I must thank you for that, Byleth.” He eyes the corpse, an odd expression on his face.

Damn - the bandit forced my hand. Monster though he was, this Dimitri isn’t the same as the one from my time. I couldn’t just allow him to be struck down like that. But… what are the ramifications of revealing my proficiency to these three? “It is no problem-”

A shout from outside the forest cuts me off. “The Knights of Seiros are here! We’ll cut you down for terrorizing our students!”

I place the shout immediately - it couldn’t be anyone but Alois. I turn back to the house leaders. “- we’d better link up with them. I doubt the bandits will try anything now that the Knights have arrived.”

Claude twirls his arrow, a pensive look on his face. He’d been eyeing the corpses of the bandits - no doubt making some judgment of my abilities. “Too true.”

The other two give their own agreement with my suggestion, and we begin moving back out of the forest. As we break the treeline, I spot Jeralt and Alois speaking to each other, while the rest of the knights comb through the area.

Alois notices the students and I, turning away from his conversation to call out to us. “Ah! The Students! That’s good - but who’s this?”

“I am Byleth. Jeralt’s daughter.”

“The Captain’s daughter? It’s good to finally meet you - I’m Alois. I used to work for your old man back when he was a Knight of Seiros!”

Jeralt turns to me. “Listen - we’re going to have to cancel that mission we had planned. Alois has invited us to come along with him to Garreg Mach.” He’s clearly not terribly enthused by the prospect. Had he been this reluctant the last time? 

I don’t know. The thought worries me - Jeralt had been an enigma to us students. He rarely spoke to any of us - even Leonie, and what we heard was mostly secondhand. By the time he died… Well, none of us students really knew him at all. Can I maintain this deception for much longer? Or will he notice that Byleth and I are entirely unlike? 

One more thing to be concerned about - for now, I should try to speak like Byleth as much as I can. There’s so many things to worry about, but I need to manage as best I can. “Will we be staying long?” I already know the answer of course, but I have a part to play.

He shakes his head. “That depends. I suspect that we’ll be sticking around for a while, though.”

Alois beams. “Great! Let’s get this all rounded off, and we can depart for the Monastery soon. Students, stay out of trouble.”

He moves off, chuckling to himself. Corralling his Knights, he begins to assign tasks to everyone who catches his eye. Jeralt sighs, but follows him nonetheless. I’m left alone with the three students.

I turn back to them and I notice Claude smiling at me with an implacable look in his eyes. “Swordplay, stealth and Dark Magic. I’d figured that the Bladebreaker’s daughter would be formidable, but consider me impressed.” 

I shake my head. “I’d hardly call knowing when to wait and when to strike ‘stealth’.” It’s true - compared to what I’d seen the likes of Shamir do during the war, what I did isn’t worthy of the name.

“Be that as it may be, I would like to thank you once again for your deft spellwork back in the forest. Should you ever need something of me, do not hesitate to ask.” Dimitri bows at the waist, his tone genuine.

“Deft spellwork indeed. You are accompanying us to the monastery, correct? You may have already guessed, but the three of us are Students in the officer’s academy there.” Edelgard is facing me, her piercing purple eyes boring right into me. What is she thinking? Dark Magic is by no means exclusive to the Empire, but it is certainly the most widely practiced there. Is she wondering whether I received a formal magical education in Enbarr’s academy?

She continues. “The three of us were in the middle of some training exercises when we encountered the bandits. Thanks to some… questionable decisions on Claude’s part, we ended up separated from the Knights.”

“Questionable? Hah! I’ll have you know, if you two hadn’t followed me, it all would have worked out fine - but instead, we ended up all alone with every single bandit on our tail.” Claude raises a hand to hold his head. “Utterly ridiculous.”

Dimitri snorts. “Ah - so you did have a plan. And here I thought that you were acting as a decoy for the sake of the rest of us.”

The three devolve into bickering, trading barbs back and forth. I’m left somewhat stunned - are these three really the leaders I knew? Claude seems somewhat the same, but Edelgard and Dimitri are acting almost… normal. Not at all like the blood-crazed beasts they had been in the war.

It’s jarring. I don’t know what to think of it. Is this really the Dimitri who tore through battalion after battalion of the Empire’s finest on his lonesome, before finally being overwhelmed? Is this really the Edelgard who gave the order to detonate powder in a position her own forces still occupied?

The trio’s argument draws to a close, and Dimitri turns to me. “In any case, I would like to ask something of you if you would allow me so. The way you held yourself on the battlefield was incredible - you never lost control of the situation.”

Edelgard cuts in. “That skill is exactly why I must ask you to consider my offer - lend your services to the Adrestian Empire. I should tell you now - I am no ordinary student. I am also the heir to the Adrestian -”

Dimitri’s mouth quirks, before he cuts her off in turn. “Hold, Edelgard. Please allow me to finish my own request first. The Holy Kingdom of Faerghus is in great need of individuals as talented as you. Please, consider accompanying me on my return to the Kingdom.”

I almost lose my composure. Had they asked the same of Byleth the last time? Or am I really that impressive to them? I don’t think what I did was all that notable, but perhaps they are far easier to impress than I.

“Whoa, there! You two sure are hasty. Trying to recruit someone you just met. I was personally planning to develop a deep and lasting friendship on our journey back to the monastery before begging for favors. But it seems there’s no time for niceties in this world. So, capable stranger, let’s get right to it. Where does your allegiance lie?”

The three look to me expectantly. My own answer is obvious, and I suppose that given the choice she made the last time, Byleth’s opinion is obvious too. “I’m most partial to the Alliance.” after a moment’s thought, I decide to add “Although, my work as a Mercenary means that I have spent a considerable amount of time in the Empire and Kingdom also.”

Claude’s smile is slight - but knowing him, it’s genuine. “Is that right? Well, I suppose I should be happy to count that as a win for the Alliance.”

“Alright - we’re ready to get moving. Let’s head back to the monastery.” Alois calls out.

The three offer their goodbyes and move off towards the rest of the knights, leaving me to my thoughts. This has been… enlightening.

If I’m honest with myself, everything hasn’t really sunk in yet. I’m back in the past. I’m in Byleth’s body. The war hasn’t happened. Edelgard and Those Who Slither in the Dark are still around. I’m not on my deathbed anymore - I have the energy to move and fight still.

It’s too much. I feel like I’m being swept down a river, unable to even get my bearings.

But…

I got my wish, didn’t I? I wanted to live for longer, and that’s what I got. True, the cost was almost certainly too high - but there’s simply nothing I can do about it now. Dwelling on the past will do nothing for me but waste time - I should forget about it.

“Hey.” Jeralt’s voice shakes me from my thoughts. “We’re moving out. Come on.”

I nod, falling into step beside him and Alois. My mind returns to my current situation, however, and I promptly ignore their casual chatting. 

Will I be offered a Professorship - as Byleth was? It seems reasonable to assume. I know that the Professor was allowed to choose her house. Should I follow her lead and do the same?

Perhaps. But, what do I want to achieve moving forward? If I simply wish to recreate the world I had left behind, perhaps that would be the best choice. But…

What if I can do better?

I’m under no delusions that I would make a superior Professor to Byleth. But, knowledge is half the battle - perhaps I should use my foreknowledge to try and achieve a better future?

A tricky thought, indeed…

“Hey, why don’t you go and walk with the Students? I’m sure that they’d be far more interesting than listening to Alois and I remniscing on old times.”

Once again, I’m shaken from my thoughts by Jeralt. I suppose that now is not the time to be pondering such topics. “Sure.” I acquiesce to his suggestion and move up the column to join the students.

I suppose that building up a rapport couldn’t hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

As we step through the gates of Garreg Mach, memories of my time at the monastery flood back to me. Lunches with Hilda and Marianne. Time spent studying alone in the library, honing my spellwork. Classes with the professor. The after-battle celebrations with the rest of the Golden Deer.

...I wouldn't hesitate to call those days before the war some of the best of my life. I fight to keep the wave of nostalgia from showing on my face, but Edelgard notices something. "Is something the matter, Byleth?" She asks me. Her tone is neutral, but it doesn't take a genius to realise that she's probing for information.

I shake my head. "No, not at all. I'm just rather unfamiliar with architecture this grand."

The excuse is token, and she undoubtedly realises it, but she doesn't push me on it. While the monastery is certainly a wonder, it isn't to the point where it would evoke such a reaction outside of enthusiasts. Ignatz may have been captivated - but Byleth, the Ashen Demon? No - it couldn't be so.

She nods, saying no more. We climb the stairs to the Entrance Hall, the Knights and other house leaders in company. As we walk through the hall, the sounds of the dining hall echo down towards us.

Leaving the hall, the knights all depart from our group towards their quarters. The Students, too, bid their farewells and depart. Alois, Jeralt and I are left standing at the entrance to the Main Hall.

"Well, the Archbishop will want to personally thank you two for your assistance. Best not to keep her waiting on us!" Alois smiles jovially, and Jeralt gives him a weary look before he follows after him.

We arrive in the audience chamber, and Alois gives his excuses before leaving us. Rhea is nowhere to be seen. Jeralt turns to me, a strange look on his face. "It's been so long since I was at the monastery. That I've been forced to return…"

His words give me pause. Does Jeralt not like the Church? Do I dare question him on it? Byleth hadn't known much at all about the Church when he first became our Professor. I can't imagine that the two of them have spoken before on this topic if that's the case. "You've been rather reluctant to come here. Was your time with the Church that bad?"

He gives me a surprised look. What - did I give myself away somehow? The look fades, though, and he shakes his head. "No. I can't say it was. It's just a chapter in my life that I would have preferred to stay closed."

The door to the chamber opens, admitting Rhea and Seteth to the room. As they walk towards us, I notice Rhea fixing me with a steady gaze. Seteth begins to talk, introducing himself and Rhea to Jeralt and I, but Rhea's eyes never wavers from me.

What has her so transfixed? It's unsettling, to say the least - something about the way she is holding herself disturbs me. I hadn't thought much of the Archbishop in the other timeline, but now I am quickly reconsidering my opinion.

I want out of here.

Jeralt and Rhea begin speaking of the time since he left the Knights. Even still, she spares him only a courteous glance. Jeralt seems to be likewise disturbed by her behaviour, an implacable expression crossing his face for a moment.

He collects himself, and introduces me. "This is my daughter, born some time after I left this place. Her mother was lost to illness years ago, unfortunately."

"I see. You have my condolences - the both of you." She turns to me once again, no longer staring at me with such intensity. "Alois tells me of your valiant efforts. What is your name?"

"Byleth." I neglect to speak further, and am rewarded with a frown from the Archbishop.

The expression disappears quickly. "A fine name. In any case, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for saving the students of the Officers Academy."

She turns back to Jeralt, beginning to discuss his return to the knights. I really should be paying attention, but my thoughts distract me once again. Does Rhea know about my own situation? I know from what Claude told us during the war that she isn't exactly human - though the specifics eluded me. Can she sense somehow that I do not belong in this time?

Perhaps, but what could I do about it if she deems me a threat to be removed? I'm good, but fighting off the entirety of the Knights of Seiros is likely beyond me.

…I could side with Edelgard.

The thought brings a deep pit of dread to my stomach, but the truth remains. If I accidentally make an enemy of the Church through my mere presence, Edelgard would likely be the only one to be willing to ally with me. Even then, I wouldn't trust her to follow through with it - at least, not until I have further proven myself worthy of the trouble.

A most troubling notion.

Rhea and Seteth leave the chamber, having concluded the meeting while I had been distracted. Jeralt turns to me, apparently knowing that I hadn't been listening. "We'll be staying in the guest quarters for tonight. Rhea has to attend to something, but wants to speak with us again tomorrow."

I nod. "Ok." I stop myself from speaking further. I know that the Byleth of this time favoured concision, but it does rankle me somewhat to not be able to speak my mind. Jeralt grunts, turning to leave. I follow, falling into step behind him.

Jeralt soon excuses himself to go meet with the rest of his Mercenaries, leaving me to fill the time in myself. By the time our meeting with Rhea had concluded, it's only a little into the afternoon, leaving me with a few free hours before dinner time.

I take the opportunity to situate myself. I need to plan - to get my bearings with my situation. The past day has been a flurry of activity that has left me precious little time to truly consider the gravity of my circumstances.

So, I find myself a spot to sit undisturbed - a little nook behind the Greenhouse next to the fishing pond. It's out of the way, but the pavers allow one to sit comfortably with their feet in the pond while shaded by the Greenhouse. It had been a spot I had frequented during my time at the monastery when I needed to think through a particularly difficult problem, or found myself troubled by something or other.

I deflate. What's happened is only just now sinking in - before, I'd been distracted, but now I have only my own thoughts for company. Oh, goddess, this is terrible - Byleth is dead, and I killed her! I'm stranded in the past, and I have been tasked with assuming her identity.

The guilt weighs heavily on me. A dark thought occurs to me - if I had just died, satisfied with the time I got, Byleth would still be alive, and the war would have remained won. I just had to cling to life with all the determination of a miser to his last coin, and this is the price I have to pay for it.

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I let them fall. From a certain perspective, this entire situation was caused by my own avaricious desire for just a little more time.

Forget preventing the war, can we even still win it? I'm not cut out for this - the thought is laughable! Me? Trying to do what the Professor could not?

What a joke.

But...

I owe it the her memory to at least try. I collect myself, wiping away the tears from my face. I shouldn't be so emotional - it risks blowing my cover.

Objectively looking at it, it's a rather lofty aspiration. Is such a thing even within my power to prevent? Will anything short of death sway Edelgard from her path? Do I dare even risk trying?

I think so. I don't see any real harm that could come of it. But how should I go about it? Become the Professor for the Black Eagles house? It's an option - but one that will come at an opportunity cost. I'm not sure it's worth it.

"All choices will come at a cost. You need to make a decision." The voice startles me, sending me jumping to my feet. I whip my head around, looking for the source, only to hear it snigger in response to my panic.

Who-?

"Oh my, that was quite the reaction! Did I startle you? I should hope you recognise my voice - it was only this morning we last spoke, after all."

Ah - Sothis. I had forgotten about her. It seems that the girl wasn't merely a figment of my imagination - not that I had truly given much consideration to the notion.

"A figment of your imagination? Ptooey! The nerve of some people!"

The realisation her words bring startle me once more - I hadn't spoken my last thought aloud, nor my musings about my plans for the future. She can certainly read my thoughts - an uncomfortable idea, but not something one would imagine a goddess incapable of doing.

"Oh, relax! It's not like I could go telling anybody else about what you're thinking. Besides, it's clear to me that you need a second perspective on things. If you're so set on trying to prevent this war, then choosing the same path that your version of Byleth chose seems like an unwise decision to me."

There is a certain sort of logic to that, I suppose. But it's predicated on the idea that Byleth and I would fall down the same path once the decision is made - something I'm not entirely confident of.

She harrumphs. "Well, I'm the expert on time here - I should hope that my words would hold more weight with you. Regardless, offering my advice isn't why I wanted to speak with you. I wanted to inform you of the specifics of what your… arrival here did to this body, along with what I needed to do in order to salvage it."

I sit back down, returning my bare feet to the water. I'm unsure if I will like what I'll hear, but this is something that I need to know.

"Whatever magic propelled you here, it set you on a direct collision course with Byleth - in a literal sense. Given that you were being propelled here with a significant amount of magical energy… Well, you arrived rather violently. I had no power to prevent you from arriving - and believe me, I tried. But, I could deal with the aftermath. If it was within my power, I would have simply reconstructed the both of your bodies separately, but things weren't so simple. Byleth simply couldn't be saved - large parts of her own body disappeared: lost to the rivers of time. Likewise, your own body was similarly fragmented, but remained in a more salvageable state. I think it was simple luck that things ended up they way that they did."

A violent arrival? Yes - I can see it. Something like that would leave behind carnage that would more belong in a slaughterhouse than what you would normally expect of a magical accident.

The realisation sends me reeling. I was lucky to have even survived.

"So, in order to save you and myself from death, I had to act quickly - a trivial matter if you know how to work the hands of time as I do. I used some of the excess magical energy you had been carrying to reconstruct a body for you from the pieces left behind, and then to erase the outward signs. There was no evidence of the accident left behind, because I had to make use of every last piece I could - you can thank me for that, by the way. It was quite disturbing."

Full reconstruction from the parts of two different bodies? But that's well beyond any sane practitioner of Faith magic! If she truly managed to pull such a feat off, then she certainly deserves all the thanks I can give.

"Hah! Well, that's one way to put it, I suppose. Admittedly, the task stretched my skill with White-Magic to it's limit - you definitely should be thankful. But, as you may be able to guess, there's been complications."

More complications? As if losing my own body wasn't enough. Though, now that I consider it, perhaps losing it was a blessing in disguise.

"Since this body is composed of parts from two, stitched together with naught but magic, you can expect for this body to have qualities associated with both. Namely, you possess three Crests - the Crest of Flames tied to Byleth's heart, in addition to the Crests that flowed through the blood of your previous body."

Three Crests!? What?

No! No - it can't be! I went through the procedure to lessen the effects my dual Crests - not to gain a third! Considering the toll that even two Crests took on my body, what would having three do?

How long until I simply keel over, unable to contain the power of three entire Crests? No - it's not fair! I never asked for this! I want nothing to do with it! Curse these wretched Crests and all they have wrought! I should never have agreed to the procedure - it did worse than nothing; it gave me yet another Crest to suffer!

"Lysithea! Calm yourself!"

Sothis' words snap me from my hysteria. With a start, I realise I had gathered the magic for a Dark spell in my panic - worrying. I disperse the magic, focusing my attention back on her. "Calm? How can I be calm in a situation like this!" I hiss, not bothering to think my words at her in order to properly convey my displeasure with the situation.

Her tone takes on a tender note, like a mother calming a child. "Do you really think me cruel enough to inflict such a fate on you?" In an instant, her voice hardens "Whoever gave you your previous pair of crests were naught but foolish children, fumbling around trying to understand things far beyond their ken."

Her spite for the people responsible for the crests is plain to hear. Why does she feel so strongly about the topic? She continues. "With the Magical power I had access to, I had no issues reconciling your new body with it's crests. You can expect to live just as long as anyone else - perhaps longer."

Her words pull me up short. No issues? A normal lifespan?

It hits me.

I'm fixed. Just like that. I hadn't even been seperated from my crests, but it doesn't even matter anymore. A normal constitution. No stunted growth. No shortened lifespan. No alabaster hair.

All of the benefits, with none of the downsides.

I… don't know what to think of it. I don't deserve this - it's everything I've ever wanted, and more. And for what? A reward for killing the Professor?

"Ah, not exactly. I expect that your constitution will be anything but normal - indeed, it should be somewhat better than most. You should also expect your hair to start to loose it's colour as it grows. Other things held my attention at the time, so the thought of preventing it didn't cross my mind."

A singular downside, then - if you can even call it that. In exchange, the power of three crests. The thought is… repulsive. A deep uneasiness settles into my gut. I feel sick - it doesn't seem just to me. I bore the burden of two Crest for almost all of my life, and now I'm apparently in the possession of a third, but without any of the downsides.

This seems too good to be true - it can't be!

I focus inward, searching for the presence of my Crests. True to her words, I can feel the Crests of Gloucester and Charon lying idle in the back of my mind. But, alongside them is an unfamiliar third - The Crest of Flames, no doubt.

Its presence makes my skin crawl. I hadn't truly suspected Sothis of lying, but now I have undeniable proof.

"Oh, and Lysithea. You may blame yourself for Byleth's death, but you need to purge such foolishness from your mind. Byleth undoubtedly knew the risks, but decided to try and help you anyway. What happened was a tragedy, but the blame does not rest on your shoulders." Sothis' voice tempts me, her tone gentle once more.

It would be nice if her words were true.

She tuts, then gives me a parting remark "Such dour thoughts are not healthy. Do try to look on the positive side of things." I feel her presence recede, leaving me to stew on her advice. I turn her words over in my mind, picking them apart.

"Oh! Excuse me, I didn't realise someone else was here." The unfamiliar voice jerks me from my thoughts. Startled, I whip my head towards the person.

I recognise her instantly. Short stature, snow-white hair, pink eyes, and an academy uniform. It's the face that had stared back at me in the mirror for many years. This timeline's Lysithea. I'm taken aback for a moment - who expects to come face-to-face with a younger version of themselves, after all?

A version of myself still afflicted by her malignant crests. The thought only sickens me further.

"No - it's fine. I was getting ready to leave anyway." I stand, removing my feet from the water. I need to get out of here - I can't address this right now. Not so soon - I need time to collect myself.

I shouldn't be surprised - of course there's a past version of myself! I shouldn't even be surprised that she ran into me here, given that this is a spot I frequented. But, nonetheless, she caught me completely off-guard.

"Oh. Good." She wrings her hands, letting the sentence hang awkwardly.

I shove my thoughts aside and flick my fingers, bringing a tiny flame to life - the extent of my skill with Black Magic. I set about drying my legs off with the heat.

Her attention snaps to me at the display of magic. "Are you with the Knights? I can't say I recognise you."

I shake my head. "No, I'm a mercenary." I dispel the fire, reaching for my boots. "Byleth."

Her interest piqued, she looks me up and down, seemingly considering me. "Oh? Are you with the Bladebreakers group?"

I finish slipping on my boots and stand up. "That's right. I don't know how long we'll be staying, but it will be at least for another few days." An understatement, to say the least, but I shouldn't know any better.

"Ah. I see. Well, perhaps I will see you around, then."

I take the opportunity for what it was and bid her farewell. I can tell that she wants to ask me about something, but I don't want to stick around. I need to come to terms with this - if I'm going to be staying at the monastery, there'll be no avoiding her.


	4. Chapter 4

Rhea dismisses me from the audience chamber. As expected, she had asked me to fulfill a teaching position. This time, she hadn’t been quite so transfixed on me, but something about her still just doesn’t sit right with me.

It doesn’t matter right now, though. I need to choose the house which I will instruct. I’m not particularly enthused with the idea of teaching, but it is certainly the best position for me to try and prevent the war.

As I walk down towards the classrooms I consider my options. The Golden Deer had been my first thought, but Sothis’ advice has stuck with me. Why would I choose the same house as Byleth if my goal is to change things?

...Besides, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle teaching people wearing the faces of my friends. That leaves the Black Eagles and the Blue Lions.

What could I accomplish in the Blue Lions? Preventing Dimitri’s spiral into madness? What good would that do in preventing the war? A united Faerghus would certainly leave the Empire in a far worse position. Perhaps preventing the war is a fool’s errand and my efforts are better spent making sure that the Empire loses faster?

How about the Eagles, then? The thought is unpleasant, to say the least. Walking into the reception hall, the subject of my consternation spots me. Edelgard - can I even stomach teaching such a person?

It would certainly put me in the best position to prevent the war altogether. If I gain Edelgard’s trust, perhaps I could convince her to temper her desires for domination? If my understanding of her goals is correct, she shares similar ambitions to Claude - if there were a diplomatic solution, would she still pursue war?

Edelgard calls out to me as I near. “Professor. It is my understanding that you will be teaching one of the three houses this year. Please, if you have any questions about the Black Eagle house, feel free to consult me.”

The sound of her voice brings a rush of memories to my mind. Her resolute final words after her final stand in the Imperial throne room. The Professor's face, set in stone as she raises her blade. The weighty thud as her headless body fell to the ground.

I push the troubling thoughts away. I need to focus on the present, not on a future yet to pass. “Perhaps later - I would prefer to receive my first impressions from the students themselves.”

She nods, accepting my reason for declining her offer. “As you wish, Professor.” 

I depart, continuing on my way. The war isn’t the only thing I have to consider, though. There’s also the crest situation - both my own, and this timeline’s Lysithea. I do not want to leave her to suffer if there is anything I can do about it. I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone, let alone another version of myself. There’s also Rhea’s behaviour - I don’t trust her. She may have been on the Golden Deer’s side last time, but the little I do know about her hasn’t endeared me.

Combined with the unsettling way she is acting…

Disturbing memories aside, perhaps allying with Edelgard isn’t such a foul idea. If things come down to it, I may be able to trust Claude to side with me over the Archbishop, but Dimitri? No - not with how close the Kingdom’s ties with the church run.

I’ve decided, then. I don’t like it, but the Eagles seem to me to be the best decision considering my situation.

Besides… if I don’t manage to sway Edelgard, it will at least put me in a position to easily remove some key players from the war.

I stop, taken aback by my own thoughts. No! I shouldn’t think like that. The Black Eagles have not done anything to warrant such harsh treatment yet, and until they do I should not even consider it.

A ball of sickly guilt settles into my gut. I had just seriously considered murdering students. Regardless of the situation, thoughts like that are reprehensible.

I pull myself together - I can reprimand myself later, for now I must come to a decision.

...I’ve convinced myself - despite all the drawbacks, I think the Black Eagles present the most enticing opportunity to prevent the war altogether.

I arrive at the classrooms. First is the Golden Deer. Inside, I can hear the voices of my friends.

The sound provokes a stab of longing in my chest. No - these are not my friends. They don’t know me, and they aren’t the people I fought and bled with in the War. I hesitate. Do I even need to introduce myself? I’ve already come to a decision.

I almost turn away there and then, but I stop myself. I’ve an appearance that I need to maintain - regardless of my feelings, I shouldn’t neglect something like this. It wouldn’t do to appear partial to one house over the others from the beginning. I enter the classroom, taking in the few groups of students.

I pass by each one, stopping for a moment to introduce myself and make some smalltalk. It’s overwhelming, seeing everyone together again - I haven’t seen some of the Golden Deer in some time.

Quickly, I’ve spoken to all but a single group - Hilda, Marianne and my past self. I’m apprehensive - Hilda and Marianne had been my closest friends at the academy. I push my feelings aside and approach the group.

Hilda’s face lights up as I approach. “Oh! You’re that mercenary that Claude told us about! Byleth, right?”

I force a smile. “That’s right. I hope he hasn’t been badmouthing me, has he?”

My attempt at levity seems to land, and Lysithea lets out a quiet snort. “Badmouthing? I don’t think so - he couldn’t stop talking about how awed he was by you.”

Marianne shrinks back, but Hilda laughs too. “That’s right - you must have really impressed him!” I impressed Claude? That’s good, I think. She continues. “Oh - we haven’t introduced ourselves! My name is Hilda, and this-” she put a hand on Marianne’s shoulder “-Is Marianne.”

I nod to her. “It’s good to meet you both. Hello again, Lysithea.” The name is strange to my mouth, but I try to stop my emotions from showing.

Hilda’s face lights up with a good-natured smile. “Oh? You’ve already met? Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

Lysithea shakes her head. “I didn’t think it was important.” She turns to me. “Claude said that you cast some Dark Magic earlier. I know a thing or two about the practice - would you like to exchange notes sometime? There’s only one other Dark Magician at the Monastery and he isn’t exactly inclined to sharing.”

Hilda scoffs. “That’s a bit of an understatement - I think that Hubert would sooner resort to murder than to sharing his notes on Dark Magic.”

A smile creeps onto my face. Talking like this - it’s as if I’m back in those good old days. There’s little I have to gain from Lysithea’s notes, but I don’t see any real reason to decline. “I’d like that - it turns out I’ll be sticking around the Monastery for longer than I had expected, so feel free to seek me out whenever suits best.”

She smiles, thanking me. I excuse myself from the conversation, leaving the room. That went far better than I had thought. While they obviously aren't the same people as the Marianne and Hilda who kept me company through the decline of my health, we did become friends for a reason. Maybe teaching the Golden Deer wouldn’t be so bad after-all?

No. I've made my decision - I shouldn't second guess myself. But… that doesn't mean we can't become friends again. I know that Byleth often shared tea with Mercedes, even despite her not being in our house. Who's to say that I couldn't do something similar?

I dismiss the thoughts from my mind - that's something to consider later. I walk to the next room - the Blue Lions.

I didn't have much interaction with any of them last time. Annette and I had shared notes on Faith Magic on occasion, but little else. 

I proceed around the room, making more small talk and introductions. Felix offers to spar at some point, but I give him a noncommittal answer. I don't have enough confidence in my swordplay to pit myself against him in a one on one duel.

As I approach the last pair in the room - Annette and Mercedes, neither notices me. I catch a snippet of their conversation.

"-I don't know, Mercedes, that's a hard decision. Caramel Tart is definitely the best, but I don't think I could decide between Toffee and Pudding."

They're talking about treats? I almost interject there and then, but I don’t think that would be appropriate. Mercedes nods sagely. "Definitely. Caramel Tart is-" She turns, noticing me. "Hello, I don't think I've seen you before. Are you one of the Mercenaries Dimitri told us about?"

I’ve been found out, it seems. Best not be rude, I suppose. "That's right. My name's Byleth."

"Oh! The Bladebreaker's daughter? Yeah, Dimitri had some good things to say about you. I'm Annette, it's good to meet you!"

"And I'm Mercedes. So, what's your opinion? Tart, Toffee or Pudding?"

A smile breaks onto my face. "Pudding first - especially if it's served with sponge cake. Tart next, then Toffee. Though I certainly wouldn't complain if served any of them."

Annette giggles. "Who would?"

I nod with faux seriousness. "Only a fool would begrudge a sweet when offered. That's for certain."

Mercedes smiles airily. "You know, from the impression Dimitri gave us, we thought you would be quite the terror! 'The Ashen Demon' is such a menacing nickname, after all."

I chuckle. Byleth did have quite the reputation. I don't think I could live up to it even if I tried. I have some leeway with how I act, so it would be best to try to downplay things. "I suppose my reputation has exceeded me in that case."

"Oh! I didn't mean it like that - you just aren't what I was expecting."

Annette nods. "Yeah! When we heard that you were a Mercenary that knew Dark Magic, we thought that you'd be like Felix - all menacing and serious. You seem pretty relaxed though."

"Is that so? Well, I suppose that sweets are a soft-spot of mine."

Annette gasps. "Really? Me too!"

The conversation continues, drifting through the merits of a variety of sweets. It's… nice - I hadn't really had anybody to talk about sweets with in this way last time.

I do need to leave to make my introductions with the Black Eagle house, though. "Well, it was nice to meet you two, but I'd better get going."

Annette and Mercedes each bid their farewells, and I leave for the next classroom.

That had been nice - it seems like the three of us have some common ground. It's a bit of a shame that we didn't really talk last time.

A thought occurs to me.

Maybe if we had, Mercedes wouldn't have died at Grondor field. Maybe she would have been willing to stand down.

A lump forms in my throat, the images of the scene flashing before my eyes. Her body, pierced with arrows and laying limply in the mud. I hadn't given it much thought at the time, but I definitely saw her die that day. It was Leonie who did the deed, but nonetheless.

Goddess - I haven't even thought of that day since it happened. Felix and Dimitri, too, died there. I hadn't seen it happen, but…

I stumble, catching myself on a pillar. It hadn't occurred to me until just now, but how many of the Student's deaths have I seen personally? How many of them had I killed myself?

Ferdinand, killed by my Dark Spikes Tau in the battle for the Bridge of Myrrdin. Bernadetta, who I saw burnt alive by Edelgard's powder trap at Grondor Field. Caspar, who I had seen struck down by Hilda at the siege of Fort Merceus. Dorothea, killed by my own Seraphim during the siege of Enbarr. In the very same battle, I distracted Hubert while Shamir snuck behind him to eliminate the threat he posed. Later that day, I bore witness to the professor execution of Edelgard.

That's… all save two of the Black Eagles who I either killed myself or saw the death of personally. Linhardt had survived the war, while Petra had been killed in the chaos at Enbarr without my knowing.

I push myself off of the pillar, ignoring the concerned gazes of the students passing by. I look up, my eyes landing on the classroom of the Black Eagles.

Through the window, I see the faces of the students, talking casually amongst themselves. Each one evokes the scenes of their death in my mind. The haunting screams of Bernadetta as she burnt alive. The stoic grunt of Ferdinand as he was impaled by my spell. Hubert's confused look as his throat was slit by Shamir, then the rictus of malice that overcame his face as he drowned in his own blood. Dorothea's resigned grief as she collapsed from her injuries. Caspar’s body limply falling to the ground after Hilda’s axe tore a rent across his chest.

No! I turn away - I shouldn't be dwelling on these things! That is a future no longer set in stone - it has not happened yet! If I have my way, it will not happen again! I need to get out of here. For the sake of my cover, I can't be seen breaking my composure. I turn, running away.

It’s just too much - I was foolish to think I could teach the Eagles! I'm pathetic. The war hasn’t happened in this time - why do my memories of it plague me so?

I slow, wandering aimlessly through the monastery.

What is there to do about it?

Do I force myself to face this, and teach the Eagles? Or do I choose the safer option and teach the Lions?

No - teaching the Eagles just isn’t possible - not if I were to keep having such reactions. I could have dismissed a single time as an irregularity, but twice is a pattern. It’s just too much to ask - the benefits that teaching the Eagles would theoretically provide simply do not consider the fact that I may not be capable of even doing such a thing. Such strong and inexplicable emotional reactions are something I mustn’t be seen having.

Hubert is perceptive - I’ve little doubt that I won’t be able to entirely contain my reactions and that he’ll grow suspicious of me quickly. If he gets it into his head that I pose a threat to Edelgard, a swift death from a blade in the dark is the best that I could hope for.

Am I being too paranoid? Perhaps. But, caution is in order, I think.

That leaves me with only one option, then. The Blue Lions. Do I stand much of a chance of preventing the war altogether as their Professor?

I don’t think so, but I could perhaps ensure that the war reaches a swift conclusion. That's the best I can realistically hope for, I suspect.

While siding with the Eagles would be advantageous in the event that my arrival in this time has somehow made me an enemy of the church, such an event seems rather far-fetched to me, now that I've given it some more thought. My worries from earlier were nothing more than baseless fear and gut feeling - I simply have no evidence supporting anything of the sort.

...Not even half an hour ago I had convinced myself that the Eagles were the only reasonable path, and now I've changed my mind yet again.

I'm thinking myself in circles. Why can't I settle on one? Why is this so difficult?

The answer comes to me quickly. Because this choice will dictate how I will spend the next few years, who I will spend that time with and what people I have access to in order to achieve my goal. It's only natural that I wouldn't be able to make such a crucial decision on a whim.

I turn, heading back to the classrooms. The more I think about this, the less certain I am. This needs to stop - I need to be decisive - no more dithering, no more reconsidering.

I will be teaching the Blue Lions. There will be no more indecision from this point forward, otherwise I will simply end up worrying myself into an early grave.

* * *

"So, you have chosen to lead the Blue Lions house?" Rhea is inscrutable - I can't tell what her thoughts on my choice are, if she even has any.

"That is correct." I don't offer my reasoning, and she doesn't ask for it.

"Wonderful. I hope that you and the students will have an enjoyable and productive year. Now, at the end of the month the Academy will be having the first of two Mock Battles in order to gauge the abilities of our students. Naturally, you and your students' performance in this battle will reflect on you."

I nod along. I remember this quite well - it was one of my first times on a battlefield, mock or not. I've little doubt in my ability to win this, but doing so in an acceptable manner is a different matter entirely. 

Rhea continues. "You will find a brief with all of the details in your room. Now, it would be best if you introduced yourself to your students as their Professor. Undoubtedly they are eager to know who will be teaching them."

I take the dismissal for what it is. "Of course. Until next time, Lady Rhea."

She nods to me. "Yes - good luck, Byleth."

I turn, leaving the audience chamber. She'd acted far less unusually this time - perhaps I had simply been imagining things? Nonetheless, I have work to do - I can think more on the subject later.


End file.
